Eight weeks down, only about four left to go, and I am really not looking forward to going back to work. I know I probably really shouldn’t be saying that but deep down there Is a part of me screaming “DON’T DO IT” I also know that I don’t want to be a stay at home mom. More power to the women that chose to do that, but it’s just not for me. I miss my routine and even though I have tried to stick with it for the most part sleeping in until 8 am is just way too late for me. I am definitely enjoying a slowed down pace of life though. I get to visit with family more often, takes naps with my baby girls, and in general not feel so “busy” The question I’ve been asking myself lately is what I do now. I have been feeling some pressure to continue to keep chasing “The American Dream”. Somewhere along the way my desire to continue with the rat race is fading away and my dreams of living a relaxed life keep creeping in. Every time I feel this way I can’t help but think of the Mexican fisherman story. We work our asses off to enjoy a little bit of life, instead of taking the time to enjoy a little bit of life now. To me balance isn’t going full speed until you crash, take a couple of days to reset then doing it all over again, although I feel like that’s the cycle I’ve gotten myself into.
One of the things I was able to do with my time off is work towards setting goals based on feelings and experiences instead of outcomes. We focus so much on the outcome that once we reach it we think there is going to be this magically feeling we get, but I can almost guarantee that once you reach a goal the first thing you think is “Well is that it” Let’s take the financial goal of being rich. How many times have you said “If I make $ amount of money I’ll be happy”. Then you work towards $ and when it comes you expect that all the sudden all your problems disappeared and you are magically happy. It never seems to happen that way. The amount of money you wanted to make comes and you don’t feel any different. So now instead of focusing on the outcome of the goal you focus on the feelings.
So the goal I am going to work on now is to feel less busy. I am starting by enjoying the time I have off. I am going to keep taking trips and naps when I can. When I go back to work, or maybe even sooner, I am going to get myself some help.
I am also going to keep visualizing my dream job, one in which I still get awesome benefits, but have a more flexible work schedule. I know it’s out there and I will continue to stay high energy to attract it, but first time to relax outside a little more before the baby wakes up.